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| UPDATED FEBRUARY 26, 2009 |
| NEW!!! Driver and racing related web site directory. Click HERE to view |
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| The one year anniversary (I despise this word) of Wayne's passing is fast approaching. My stomach is in knots and the memories of that dreadful night are haunting my dreams. This year has been a year full of "firsts" for me. First wedding anniversary, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Wayne's birthday, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day....all days that Wayne and I always had so much fun together. Each day was a struggle, but I know that Wayne would want me to continue living life, he always wanted me to be happy and he made me very happy the years we were together. I've learned so much this year. Life is fragile and can be taken for granted. I realize that you just can't assume the people we love will always be there with us. No one knows when someone we love will be taken from us, so it is extremely important to tell one another how much they mean to us, even if it is only in the form a phone call just to say hello. There have been many days filled with tears, days I didn't even want to get out of bed, and days I just felt nothing at all. Those days have eased up a little but the memories haven't. Wayne gave me so many incredible memories that I cherish, memories that put a smile on my face and even memories that make me laugh. What a lucky woman I am to have had him in my life as my husband and best friend. My Prince Charming in racing t-shirts. Through this tragedy of losing my precious husband, I have been able to help others who have lost a loved one. I realized that through the pain and suffering that I have experienced, that I can understand more fully the journey of grief. It's a crazy roller coaster ride that seems endless with waves of emotion. Listening to my new friends and talking with them and just sharing our losses has helped tremendously. Wayne is missed so much by so many people. He was a bright shining light in my life and the lives of so many people....always had a smile, a goofy sense of humor, a serious side, and a silly side....my family calls him the "man-boy". It's the little things I miss the most....our inside jokes, the way we finished one another's sentences, the touch of his hands, a sweet kiss, a heartfelt hug, and cooking a nice hot meal and having it ready for him when he got home. He loved to eat and appreciated every meal....made me feel so happy to have him enjoy what I made for him. I don't cook much anymore, it's just not worth the effort for just me, but I'll get back in the kitchen someday. Thank you to all of you who have kept in contact with me.....that means the world to me. It's always nice to know that there are people who still care and consider me their friend as much as they considered Wayne their friend. You know who you are and I thank you. To all of the drivers who race in both Santa Maria and Bakersfield....good luck this season...I'll be thinking about you. |